The Unbearable Lightness Of Being Unplanned; For many years, I struggled with the goals I set for myself, the places I wanted to reach, the destinations I aimed for. I say I struggled because I hugged the other before one was over and another before it was over. First of all, exams, preferences, jobs, job change.
I always calculated not the next step, but beyond the next. Now that this is over, then I do this, I go from place to place, always a goal, always a program, endless individual development plans. I did not stop for a moment, while reading, working; Even though I realized that stress was penetrating all my cells, from my graying hair and writhing migraines, I could not restrain myself, I could not force myself to stop.
No one set conditions for me, no goals in front of me. I myself have always dragged myself on difficult journeys; typical lion. I never focused on the process, my goal was always to reach the finish line. In my own way, at my own pace, by focusing only on my own work, without getting stuck with anyone who is in my lane or not.
These pains lasted for years. Then, out of nowhere, unexpectedly, I had the opportunity to stop. After days, months of decision making sessions, I said yes, I can and should. About a year ago, when I was planning to take a long break, to get rid of everything, yes, while I was planning; because in my opinion, that nothingness or emptiness must have had a plan; How would it be, how long would it take, would I not do anything at all.
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The moment of transition to an unplanned life
The Unbearable Lightness Of Being Unplanned; I said ‘no’ with a sudden request to quit, ‘this time there is no plan, no target’. If you ask if there is no goal at all, one should always have a goal in life, perhaps too big, too high, that he cannot reach in a short time, and therefore he will always work harder; but this time it wasn’t like that. I should have been able to hit the pause button of my life and stopped with a frenzy of courage. I gave myself deep breaths and long breaks. Without really thinking, without saying what to do now.
When I was able to stand in front of me with different, perhaps better opportunities than before, but even if I thought at that moment, “I will regret it later”, I was able to stand by without doing anything. Because I had made a decision and I had to let myself go, I was just getting started. “Welcome to being unplanned”.
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A feeling that I can’t remember I felt before, came over me days later; something was going to happen, something much better than what had happened before. Well, I had decided not to do anything, to stop, how would those beautiful things be, where would they come from, could they find me before I searched for them? They could and they found it. Maybe for the first time, I found myself in the works that made me more happy without struggling or getting worn out. What happened, how it happened, how it all developed, I don’t even remember the details, I just remember the peace and happiness I felt.
“Stopping” is also a vital need, sometimes it is the thing that one needs most, and the best opportunities are seized when they stop and listen to themselves.
