Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; As human beings, we know that we are social beings, therefore we need other people around us, we have to spend time with them, but on the other hand, it is difficult to get along well with everyone at any time, and discussions are an integral part of life. While we come out of some conflicts unscathed, in others we can be very injured; especially with people we love very much.
Since we have limited communication with people with whom we are not very intimate, we can avoid a possible argument without getting hurt, but when it comes to our loved ones, things can change. Just as we hurt our loved ones a lot, we can hurt them too. So why?
Why do we hurt the people we love very much, or why are we often hurt by those we are sure love us very much? Isn’t love enough to solve things on its own? According to science, whether we are in a romantic relationship or not, there are various reasons behind us hurting the people we love very much. Many studies confirm that we can be more hurtful, more aggressive towards the people we love most, and that we hurt the ones we love the most.
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1. Instinct of control and protection
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; Sometimes love can bring with it the desire for control and the instinct to protect. We can upset the people we love to prevent them from being harmed by others. Think of a mother. He pressures his child not to go to an environment that he thinks is unsafe, argues with him, does not allow him. The child, on the other hand, is hurt by thinking that his mother does not understand him, does not listen to him, does not care about what he wants.
However, even if it is an approach full of good intentions, the result can result in hurt. Or, when we are worried that our partner will face a possible negativity, we may involuntarily enter into an argument and act hurtfully to keep the situation under control.
2. Fear of rejection
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; Let’s say we wanted to make a plan with a friend we don’t see very often, but he turned down our offer because it was not suitable. Probably, we will not be affected by this situation and we can close the issue by saying, “Anyway, we’ll do it another time…”. But things can start to change when the other person is someone we love and are close to. He can use hurtful words because we fill our minds with questions such as why he doesn’t want to see me, why he didn’t want to spend time with me, does he love me no more, are we not as close as before; We may unwittingly exhibit behaviors aimed at hurting the person in front of us.
3. Comfort in communication
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; We all know that how we say is more important than what we say. Sometimes, although we do not want to hurt the other party, we can cause misunderstandings because we cannot express ourselves correctly. Relying on the sincerity between us and the people we love, it is possible that we may act extra relaxed or careless from time to time when communicating with them…
We can neglect the care we show when talking to someone we are not very close to, while talking to people we love very much. We may be inclined to communicate with more free, wasteful words because we think that they will be offended, upset, or not taken at our word. However, this comfort in communication may not always yield good results.
4. Unawareness
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; From time to time, we associate the understanding of ‘who loves a rose bears its thorns’ with our close relationships, and think that we fall for the people we love very much. Most of the time, things are going well, but sometimes we can’t get enough of it. We can act hurtfully without thinking that the person we love will be upset or taken away. Even if we are not aware of it or think ‘it’s okay anyway’, we can’t always get our predictions right.
5. The ‘scapegoat’ situation
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; We’ve all experienced it many times in our lives; The incident of getting angry with someone and bumping into someone else who has nothing to do with it. Sometimes, even though we don’t want to be hurtful, we declare our loved ones ‘scapegoats’ and unfortunately take our anger out on something else because they are the closest we have to them.
6. Desire for more attention
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; Have you ever been hurtful by causing trouble because you wanted your partner to take care of you? Sometimes, although our main purpose is not to hurt the person we love, we may tend to ‘make a scene’ because we cannot express that we want more attention from them.
7. Unrealistic expectations
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; We always want the best and the most beautiful for our loved ones. We support them to be happy, successful and to do good works. However, while we want our loved ones to be well, we can also have unrealistic expectations.
We can force someone we love to take an initiative that they are not ready for, a job they are afraid to start, or a change they do not want because we believe they will be good. While we think that we are encouraging because we believe that we can achieve greater things, we can be hurtful with the pressure we set up, maybe with our sarcastic words.
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8. Past traumas
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; Since we spend more time with the people we love and are close to, we can accumulate common experiences by sharing a large part of our lives. And these experiences may not always be filled with happiness, laughter, and love. In addition to the accumulated good memories, we can overcome many sorrows and tragic events together. As such, in the event of a possible conflict, traumas that were not resolved in the past may come to light and cause us to take our guard and break the person in front of us with an aggressive attitude.
9. Intentional approaches
Why Do We Hurt The People We Love So Much; Although we often hurt the people we love very much unintentionally, unknowingly, this may not always be the case. Facing an emotionally damaging experience, such as being offended, criticized, humiliated or ignored by a loved one, can lead to deliberate hurtful behavior.
